she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
