I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I take back everything I said about communal showers
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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