am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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