Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
