Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
