he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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