Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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