this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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