It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize