did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
