....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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