If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
