quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
