Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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