just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can text with my tongue
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
