dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
