his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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