I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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