Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The ass gains better be worth it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
