I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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