Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
