i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
