i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
