who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
