Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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