I wannas sexs uuuuu
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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