Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Sober January is a disaster.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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