I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
