Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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