I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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