I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
