in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
