dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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