It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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