i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I looked at my own cervix.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
