I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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