come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
