When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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