Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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