I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
