i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
