SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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