Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
