im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
