I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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