Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
