Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
