You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
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Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize