hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
