im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
