I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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