Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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