Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
