You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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