She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
