eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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