Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Someone shattered a urinal.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
