I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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