I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Everything about him screamed your future.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i think i scared a bird with my dick
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
